This was a very gripping story. Haven't ever tried heroin but I think I've been in Aaron's shoes, I no longer have any cravings for my 'thing' but I can relate to bits and pieces of the thought process. It's very hard to make new friends and even harder to date. But I think you have to believe that you're worth something, not trash as the voices in your head tell you.
Thanks so much for your comment Vin. Yes, one of the reasons I put the disclaimer at the top of this is that I don't think about Aaron the harsh way he thinks about himself. But I wanted to give an unvarnished representation of the sort of things the voices in his head might be telling him on a bad day.
Really nice! I'm usually skeptical about bloggers writing fiction, but this was good. Somewhat personal, but is this based on some kind of personal experience?
Thanks Carlos, really appreciate that! Maybe it helps that I was writing fiction for years before I started blogging. The story's not based on experience no - the closest I've come to trying heroin is during a spell in hospital when I was put on morphine and oxycontin, and none of the character's relationships or interactions echo mine either. But obviously I think about some of the same issues as Aaron, and share some of his preoccupations and concerns. In a way, the story's an attempt to take some of the most negative, cynical thoughts and feelings I've had over the years, amp them up to 11, and extrapolate from them to imagine a life where I was stuck in that mode all the time and didn't have any of the inner resources or outer support systems that balance the rest out.
Also, some of the more philosophical bits are a fictional representation of what I call "bad Buddhism". I've always felt that there's a very fine line between the doctrines of emptiness, no-mind, nirvana etc and an unhealthy nihilism, and I wanted to explore that tension in the story a bit. I tackle the Buddhism/nihilism issue more directly here if you're interested: https://smalldarklight.substack.com/p/buddhism-cheerful-nihilism
This was a very gripping story. Haven't ever tried heroin but I think I've been in Aaron's shoes, I no longer have any cravings for my 'thing' but I can relate to bits and pieces of the thought process. It's very hard to make new friends and even harder to date. But I think you have to believe that you're worth something, not trash as the voices in your head tell you.
Thanks so much for your comment Vin. Yes, one of the reasons I put the disclaimer at the top of this is that I don't think about Aaron the harsh way he thinks about himself. But I wanted to give an unvarnished representation of the sort of things the voices in his head might be telling him on a bad day.
Really nice! I'm usually skeptical about bloggers writing fiction, but this was good. Somewhat personal, but is this based on some kind of personal experience?
Thanks Carlos, really appreciate that! Maybe it helps that I was writing fiction for years before I started blogging. The story's not based on experience no - the closest I've come to trying heroin is during a spell in hospital when I was put on morphine and oxycontin, and none of the character's relationships or interactions echo mine either. But obviously I think about some of the same issues as Aaron, and share some of his preoccupations and concerns. In a way, the story's an attempt to take some of the most negative, cynical thoughts and feelings I've had over the years, amp them up to 11, and extrapolate from them to imagine a life where I was stuck in that mode all the time and didn't have any of the inner resources or outer support systems that balance the rest out.
Also, some of the more philosophical bits are a fictional representation of what I call "bad Buddhism". I've always felt that there's a very fine line between the doctrines of emptiness, no-mind, nirvana etc and an unhealthy nihilism, and I wanted to explore that tension in the story a bit. I tackle the Buddhism/nihilism issue more directly here if you're interested: https://smalldarklight.substack.com/p/buddhism-cheerful-nihilism